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"Carpe Diem quam minimum credula postero"
Everyday I'd ask myself these questions:
Is it all worth it?
Why is this happening when all I do is try my hardest?!
Well kids, I stopped asking those questions and just did it. During this summer, I have discovered that giving 100% of yourself entirely to others and devoting every aspect of time, energy and your life to them really takes a toll on who you really are. When you sit and wait for things to happen, all you do is doubt yourself. You eat it up and eventually digest that of what you think of yourself. If you keep planting that seed of negative doubt, eventually it will grow and become something killing you deep inside. Say your are worthless, then why be known? Say you are a horrible person, then why have friends? Say you are ugly, stupid, and a disgrace... then why are you loved? When there is at least one person out there that will go to the ends of the earth to watch you strive, all that negativity is meaningless. Why can't that one person be yourself?
Once I saw two worlds taking over me, I started to realize how much doubt had eaten the best of my potential. From my strengths to my beliefs. Eventually I had to learn what was worth my energy, what was meant to happen and seize life in the course given. I started to understand that not everything comes out perfect as expected. Nothing ever will, so sorry to kill that joy for you.
Another thing I have learned is what's worth chasing. People run after some of the most unusual things. Sometimes it's over a person they think will change their life, and other times it's after a chance. When given that chance, don't blow it. Take things slow, let it run its course and if all is worth while, go after it. Make the move and go big. Patience is one thing I will always lack but I'm learning to be acquaintances with it. That and having trust in people. When all else fails, just believe in yourself and the rest will make sense.
In the last month, I have been super busy with cakes, family vacation and going after opportunities. Luckily I have been given a great opportunity to be a part of a local art show hosted by Fresno Underground Arts at Tioga Sequioa Beer Gardens.
Keep dreaming everyone, you never know what will fall in place when you don't give up.